What are hot and cold cycles?

Hot and cold cycles describe a pattern where someone alternates between being very attentive and very distant. Sometimes called push-pull dynamics, or intermittent reinforcement.

The pattern looks like:

• A week of great dates, effort, and warmth
• Followed by a week of distance, short replies, or going quiet
• Then warmth comes back, often right when you were about to give up
• Repeat

This is the pattern that messes with your head the most. Because the good weeks are real. The connection is real. But the pulling away is also real. You spend the cold weeks trying to figure out what you did wrong, and you spend the hot weeks trying to believe that this time it will stick.

Spilled flags this pattern when your entries swing between strongly positive and strongly negative across short time periods. The flag shows the evidence: "5 mood swings across 13 entries."

Hot and cold can be intentional manipulation, or it can be someone who genuinely struggles with intimacy. Spilled does not diagnose which one. It just tells you the pattern is there.